Let’s face it, ladies, your sole goal in life is to find (and please!) a man. So let’s not beat around the bush here. If a jumped-up misogynistic blogger is the only man you can find, there can be some pluses to letting him grace you with his company.
- He identifies as a man, so automatically he is a special snowflake who is right about everything- don’t worry about forming your own opinions ever again!
- He only sees you for your body, so you won’t have to worry about holding an intelligent conversation with him – phew, now you can leave the intellectual debates to your friends and family.
- If he’s dating you or fucking you, you can be sure from his extensive lists that you are not any of the following- fat; ugly; an expensive date; confident; feminist; slutty; unattractively ill or insane (but maybe attractively so); a lover of food (ugh, remember those scales!); using welfare to support yourself or your children (no matter how necessary or temporary this may be); a housewife spending all of his money while you’re out with your girly friends; wearing too much makeup; wearing not enough makeup; a cat person; enjoying porn or pornographic sex (don’t you know you’re still a lady? what on earth makes you think you can enjoy different kinds of sex?); conspiring for him to impregnate you by forgoing birth control (because who wouldn’t want to spread those genes?); hairy (where you are not supposed to be- come on girls, it’s so easy, long, luscious hair on your head and bare everywhere else! It’s only natural!); joining the modern age and using online dating services; desperate (well, maybe a little, but only enough to make him feel manly and important); describing your body inaccurately (unless you’re thin and you think you’re fat- in fact, this makes you more attractive); divorced; committing paternity fraud; dancing on top of a bar or doing body shots (remember that all of your behaviour indicates how slutty you are!); entitled (heaven forbid you get your way instead of him sometimes); the list goes on.
- In light of our previous point, you can come to the reasonable conclusion when dating this guy that you are the perfect feminine ideal. You are earning lots of money, so that you can buy him gifts and foot the bill, but not because you are confident, a go-getter or assertive. Don’t you know those traits are reserved for men, sweetie? Let’s face it; you’re modest, good-looking, fragile and vulnerable (the only acceptable traits if you’re a woman). You can make him feel like a man no matter how pathetic he is, all you have to do is play the part that society has dictated for you and that he has reminded you of!
- Lastly, dating a wonderful specimen such as this man leads you to a world of possibility. After all, any troll can write an imbecilic blog post, but there has to be something truly special about those that go viral! You can bask in his fame instead of creating your own, which, let’s face it, is just too much work for a delicate flower such as yourself.
So there you have it, ladies. Congratulations. I’ve just given you the adequate information to ensure that you are attractive to even the vilest of men. After all, attractiveness is your only redeeming quality, because you have a vagina.
Publisher’s Note: The contents of this article are not intended to harm or offend any readers. After all, our writer really is actually helping the cause of women haters by making them seem dateable! Thanks to Return of Kings for such an inspirational blog post.